Hex

I'm suspended
Floating just above the surface of reality.
Close enough to see it and smell it but it's just out of my reach.
I look down on my life but can't live it.

Hideaway

Sometimes she sees me.
A stranger that lives in her skin, inhales her breaths and remembers her dreams.
At times I see her eyes when I look in the mirror.
She peers out in wonder at the strangeness of it all.
So different from what she imagined, so strange.
She looks around the room and takes in her surroundings breathing in free air so foreign to her soul.
She tries to give me hope; tries to offer support.
She tries to break through me.

A numbness overtakes her; so weary she falls away, like the last leaf on a tree in the dead of winter.
She flutters to the ground and I open my eyes.
A stranger, an interloper so self aware of my shortcomings.
She recedes into the background and watches and waits for the chance to see through my eyes, to live this life and make us both more than what we are.

The Deep

This house is empty.
I wander through room after room, my footfalls echoing on the hard wood floors.
Room after room vacant.
Empty.
Devoid of character, life, laughter.
All those things that make us human.
All those things that drive us, set our course.

My house is empty and as I look out the windows,
I see the light from other windows.
Hear the laughter in other rooms and I wonder where I am.

My Cousin

My Cousin was recently killed in a freak accident.
He returned home safe from Iraq and was killed in a hit and run accident while crossing a street.
When I heard the news I was dumb struck.
My cousin called me while I was at work and asked if I'd heard, when I asked heard what, she said, "Antoinne got killed last night".
I went into the bathroom and cried.
During the week that led up to his funeral I was in complete disbelief.
The day of the funeral I couldn't bring myself to look at him in the casket.

As I sat through the service I actually felt like I was at a strangers funeral.
I was struck by how little I knew about Antoinne, or Howard as he was referred to during the service.
I've known him since I was 7 years old when my uncle married his mother. It's been 22 years and as I sat in the funeral home and looked around at the bereaved friends and family members a good number of whom I'm related to I realized I didn't know him as well as I could have and I felt such an incredible sense of loss.
I remember going to his high school graduation and he in tum coming to my graduation from grammer school.
I remember countless family gatherings, Christmas, Thanksgiving, July 4th.
I remember conversations, hearty laughs, genuine smiles.
I remember always being struck by how good looking he was and what a great personality he had.
This is the Antionne I knew.
I didn't know Howard.
I didn't know his favorite song, his favorite color or his favorite movie.
I didn't know any of his hopes or dreams.
I didn't know him, and I really feel I missed out on knowing a great person who was more than just my cousin Antionne and it saddens me.